Our Second Miscarriage

When we found out in June of 1994 that we were pregnant again, we were instantly worried, because we had not waited the 3 months from the D&C. I was worried that my uterus had not recovered from the trauma of the D&C. I had a bad feeling the entire time that this pregnancy would not make it. Friends and family were disgusted with me for having such a negative attitude, but still to this day I believe it was "woman's intuition".

I felt a little sick with this pregnancy, but nothing like my boys' pregnancies, and I was basically waiting for the inevitable to happen. I had a vivid dream one night, and knew that this baby was a boy. In August, we went for our 9 week check-up and an ultrasound was performed. There was a faint heartbeat, but it did not look right, and the technician could tell that the fetal sac was coming unattached from the uterine wall. There was also a second sac, but it was partially blocked by the first baby, and was assumed to be empty. We left the office with a little hope, but not much.

We left a few days later to go to Dallas for vacation, and while there I had a strong feeling the baby had died. Dh tried to calm me down and assure me that everything was fine, but I knew it wasn't. There was a doctor there who would do diagnostic ultrasounds, and I made Dh call and get an appointment. We went for the ultrasound, and indeed the baby had died very recently. Possibly the day before. We were unbelievably devastated, as we could not believe this happened to us again. There was also evidence of the second sac, but it was stilll blocked by the first baby.

This doctor was a geneticist, and we asked him what could be causing this, after we had had two perfectly healthy children. He didn't have any answers, and recommended we get chromosomal testing on the fetus (also called karotyping) to give us answers. We called our doctor here at home, and scheduled the D&C for the day after we got back from our vacation.

When we returned from our trip, my doctor would not do the D&C without proving to himself that the baby was really dead. So, before I was taken to surgery, my bladder was catheterized and filled with water so an ultrasound could be performed. During this ultrasound, the technician had trouble finding the baby, as it had already started to disintigrate. I did not need to know that information, and it made me feel tons worse. No mention was made of the second sac.

I was now wheeled to surgery, and woke up from this D&C feeling like a mack truck had run over me. My regular doctor had performed this one, and he routinely gave Pitocin to the women afterwards. Just what a grieving mother needs - to wake up to killer contractions knowing her baby is dead and gone. I was not very nice to the nurses because my first D&C had not involved Pitocin, and I was really mad I had it now. The fetal remains were sent off for karotyping at my insistence, although this was only my second m/c.

For the next month, I felt like I was losing my mind, and I bled for 30 days. This doctor did not believe in scraping the uterus clean, and he only removed the one baby and placenta, and left me to pass the rest. I still felt pregnant, however, and was a hormonal mess. I finally went to see him, and he agreed to put me on an antidepressant, but an ultrasound was never performed to make sure everything had been removed from my uterus. Finally, one day I got a killer backache, and felt like I was in labor. In late afternoon, I ran to the bathroom and passed the second baby. I could not breathe. I did not know I had a second baby in me. It had apparently been dead the whole time, but with it still in my uterus, that is why I still felt pregnant and was feeling so hormonal.

I took the remains to the doctor and he said "Sorry". Immediately, my hormones normalized and I returned to normal. However, this time I began to grieve for both miscarriages and was a wreck. The antidepressant began to help and I stayed on it until I passed the due date of the twins. The karotyping revealed that the first twin was a chromosomally perfect boy and would have been born if he had stayed attached to my uterus.

Now playing "Wonderful Tonight" courtesy of Jack's Shack.



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